Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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