I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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