What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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