He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
