I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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