Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
