I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
