How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
