i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize