yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
