I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
