Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
