Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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