I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
