1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize