you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
