Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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