pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
