My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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