Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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