You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
