Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
