Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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