I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
