i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
