Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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