dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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