i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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