Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
