My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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