I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think I just sharted jello shots
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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