I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
