I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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