So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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