Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its about making memories worth repressing
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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