my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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