This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
