JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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