I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
