When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
