The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
