UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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