party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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