He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she peed on how many people?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
