I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
jump out the window naked night went bad
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize