I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
