Welp...herpes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
