I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
