Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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