i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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