You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
