i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
