he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
