Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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