Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
