If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
