His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So here I am, sexting at work.
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