last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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