i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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