why didn't you poke me back
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Come on in and take your pants off
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