Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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