She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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