i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize