And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize