I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
