So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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