actually, I'm a sock model
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize