A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
