and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
