So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
