before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
