Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
