is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
