so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
