I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Are my feet made of real feet?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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