dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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